Should I have kids?
The short answer
There is no 'ready.' Decide by values, not by fear or FOMO — and only if both of you actively want it. Ambivalence in one partner usually becomes resentment in the other.
Signals to weigh
- 01Wanting to parent — not wanting to have wanted to.
- 02Partner alignment. 'I'll come around' is not alignment.
- 03Financial floor, not ceiling — can you cover basics, not perfection?
- 04Support network within an hour's drive.
How to decide
- Step 1Each write, separately: what you'd gain, what you'd lose, what you fear.
- Step 2Trade lists. Read without defending. Talk 48 hours later.
- Step 3Spend a full weekend caring for a friend's kid. Notice your body, not your ideals.
- Step 4Imagine yourself at 75 with and without. Which regret is heavier?
Framework used
Regret Minimization →Full walkthrough of the framework, with examples and pitfalls.
Consider these alternatives
- ·Wait one more year and revisit — the question doesn't need to be resolved today.
- ·Foster, mentor, or heavy involvement with nieces and nephews if the pull is care, not parenting.
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