Should I cut off a family member?
The short answer
Estrangement is a valid last step after boundaries fail — not the first move. Try structured distance and clear terms for 6-12 months before deciding the relationship is over.
Signals to weigh
- 01Contact reliably makes your life worse for days after.
- 02You've named the specific behavior and asked for change more than once.
- 03The pattern includes abuse, addiction untreated, or repeated betrayal.
- 04A therapist — not just friends — supports the direction you're leaning.
How to decide
- Step 1Name the specific behaviors, not the person's character.
- Step 2Set a written boundary and a consequence you'll actually enforce.
- Step 3Try 6 months of low-contact with the boundary in place.
- Step 4Reassess with a therapist. Decide from steady state, not a bad week.
Framework used
10-10-10 Rule →Full walkthrough of the framework, with examples and pitfalls.
Consider these alternatives
- ·Structured low-contact — holidays only, no politics, no unsolicited advice.
- ·Family therapy if the other person is willing and the harm isn't ongoing.
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